The Best Dating Advice I've Ever Heard
I have been confused about dating for years. I have spent countless hours reading magazines that say "guys like it when you make the first move", "he ignores you, because he likes you", " You can change him". It's trash. I've seen it fail time and time again every single time I have a crush.
I get crushes super easily and none of them have panned out and that is because for years, I ran them off using bad dating advice and trying to control the situation. The only thing I can control is myself and I rather spend that energy making myself better than running down half a block to let someone know I like them (true story).
Here is what I started to do. I started listening to women who were much wiser than me, instead of reading magazines that just give you the information they think you want. I have received a lot of advice, but these are my most favourite tips.
Givers and Takers
In every relationship, there is a giver and a taker, someone gives and someone takes. Someone who is more masculine and someone who is more feminine. It really doesn't matter if it's 20/80 or 60/40, at the end of the day, relationships are a makeup of givers and takers; masculine and feminine. Please do not associate masculine with men and feminine with women, that doesn't matter; not all men are masculine and not all women are feminine. The giver is associated with the masculine energy and the taker is associated with the feminine energy.
You can't have two givers in a relationship because they will clash and you cannot have two takers because they will also clash.
When I first heard this, I really thought it meant I had to be the little woman and sit idle while a man provides for me. You are not a little woman, but you are also not going to give in a relationship, remember, you have standards, you don't change your standards because you know what you want. I've had to learn to not be as giving when it comes to dating, I've learnt to just let things happen naturally while barely working for it. It's not my job to work for attention, I am strong and if someone is interested in me, they should work for it. I don't want to date a taker because I don't want to date a man that is expecting me to serve him.
I am the CEO of my own dating life
Dating is like filling a job posting. You have criteria's you want met, you also have a list of things you don't want. As CEO, it's your job to fill the posting of boyfriend, but you aren't going to settle for a bad employee, you will settle for someone who will compliment your leadership style, someone who will work with you instead of breaking down the company. Sometime's it's best to keep the job posting open, then be with someone who isn't a good employee. This fits perfectly with the whole giver and taker advice. You are the CEO, taker and the employee is the giver.
Dating is like buying a house
I see this all the time. People trying to date before their foundation is set. You wouldn't buy a house with a bad foundation, so why would you date someone with a bad foundation. Being single, there are things you should be doing, they are: taking care of yourself and building a strong foundation.
Find someone else with a strong foundation because when you start a life together, IE, build your house, the foundation will be strong. Once you start adding floors and walls, you don't want the house to crumble because the foundation wasn't good enough. Your foundation is you, it's knowing yourself and knowing what makes you happy, it's knowing your boundaries and how you handle emotions.
You are a university degree not a three day course
Maybe one day you will find someone who would make a great employee and maybe their foundation seems strong. Please remember that you are not a three day course, you aren't around for a short time, you are worthy of so much more. You are a university degree, it's not easy to get you and a lot of work goes into being in a relationship with you. A three day course is great, but a degree is substantial and important.
Spend time with yourself
Learning to live with yourself is crucial. Sure, it will get boring, life gets boring, but that doesn't mean you bypass all your hard work to fill a posting with someone under qualified because it would be easier for a while. You have to work on yourself, you have to know your boundaries. There is nothing wrong with being alone and I'm not saying be alone, but I am saying realize that being alone and working on yourself is so valuable and will lead to a glowing you instead of a sad you.
No, this isn't advice on how to get the guy, it's advice that you need to read because you are strong, powerful, and you have standards. Work on yourself and life will work itself out, the way that it's supposed to happen.
Thanks for reading,
Samantha