Six Months Into a Pandemic

Buckle in because this post isn’t like my others, but I need to express myself. I need to feel like I’ve been heard other than my direct support system. A chemical in my brain, I don’t know the name, likes when I post online and get likes and positive comments.

It’s been six months since the pandemic hit my life and recently my new normal has shifted and I am totally okay with the change, but it has shifted my mental health and the way I speak to myself. It’s caused anxiety and the only way I can explain it, is by calling it isolation anxiety.

The anxiety attached to isolation is nothing I have felt before. It’s worst than anxiety from university, it’s almost like the anxiety of being bullied, but mostly it’s like someone repeatedly telling me that nobody likes me. I recently watched The Social Dilemma and it explained that my generation is the one that feels the most lonely and also doesn’t know how to connect to other people. It’s true.

I spend all day alone and for the most part I am fine. Truly feel fine. But what has happened is that I spend so much time alone, I then think nobody wants to spend time with me. Then when I do spend time with people, my social anxiety still needs it to be scheduled in advance because I am still an introvert at heart.

I have to say, I am not anxious all the time, but at least once a week, I feel low. I try to fill my week with activities, try to do something every lunch hour, I drink my water, exercise, and eat well, but being at home all day alone is the worst.

Adjusting to life during COVID was a challenge, but I did it. I know I will adjust to this normal again, but I just wish I didn’t feel so alone while being alone. This isn’t a positive post, just an authentic one. Adjusting to a new normal after adjusting to a new normal was not on my radar for this month.

It will get better, I will adjust. Mental health takes time.

Thanks for reading, I really needed to get this off my chest.

Sam