Adventures of a Twentysomething: Dating Apps
Let me spill the tea: I haven't been on a date in over a year.
I have however, been on an on-and-off relationship with Tinder for about six years. I've also tried, Bumble, Hinge, and Match. I am the queen of getting and deleting dating apps, pretty sure people think I am a bot. At one point, I almost got tarot cards so instead of dealing with Tinder, except I couldn't find the cards at Chapters, so I gave up on that idea.
At first, Tinder was fun because I was in university and I could connect with my class crushes. Ever make eye contact with your class crush after matching? It's exciting. Butterflies. The hope of something more.
When I graduated, Tinder became something different. There was no excitement, no fun, just a lot of work. It became that I could predict when men would message me. I became an expert at what kind of profile to make to be matched, even if they didn't match with my standards.
If I made a profile on a Tuesday, nothing happened. If I made a profile on Saturday, there was more activity, but most messages came in on Sunday morning, when people were looking for easy hookups. If I altered my standards, I got matches. If I held my ground, I got less. It made me feel horrible.
At this point, someone is probably thinking "Yeah, but hooking up is fun". Of course it is, but I need a connection; I want the whole cake, not a piece.
I don't date that often and I am a firm believer that dating apps aren't for me right now because my heart still believes something natural will happen. I am also notoriously bad at ruining relationships before they even form. I get ahead of myself, become the giver, and expect roles to change once I've expressed my interest.
I'm not saying dating apps are bad, but it's a neutral tool to use if you want to go that route. I am just choosing to be vulnerable instead of dealing with some jerk who needs me to be their mom and fix them.
I used to go all in with my feelings, so I wouldn't have to live with the crush feelings, but now, I live with them, I have fun with it. I enjoy my vulnerability I spend time with my feelings instead of trying to get rid of them and ruin beginnings.
There was a time when I wanted a boyfriend so badly and I still want a boyfriend, but I would rather be alone then with someone who isn't going to serve me. I don't want to waste my time, so I don't, but I think we can all agree that there is a special feeling when you meet someone interesting to you and it's not wasting your time to see where it goes.
I refuse to spend time accepting crude comments and profiles that don't meet my standards. I am choosing to work on myself first and make connections in person than to wonder why someone didn't swipe right, or swiped right and didn't message me. There's so much else I rather do with my time. I am more worthy than Tinder and the bottomless pit of bad selfies and dead animals. I refuse to swoon at someone who thinks it's impressive that they killed an animal and is showing it off. I can no longer talk about our mutual love of hiking. As Christina Yang said "Oh, Screw Beautiful. I’m Brilliant. If You Want To Appease Me, Compliment My Brain."
Thanks for reading,