What I've Learnt About Dating... So Far
I thought I would write a post about my dating life. I have been told numerous times that when I talk about my dating life, I am funny. It's probably because I enjoy laughing at myself. If you can't laugh at yourself, you need to try it, it's great. I have had a very limited dating life so far, probably because I am so busy, but mostly because "hanging out" isn't my idea of dating so I can't really say I've dated a lot. Here's the thing though, I have learnt a lot and I need to share it because I can't contain this in anymore.
Disclaimer: These are my own experiences and are not a reflection on everyones dating life. You may not relate to this at all and that's okay. If you do relate, I hope you can laugh a little.
1) I learnt that after two months of dating, if they still don't know if they want to be with me, I should end things.
We've had six+ dates and we've been seeing each other for two months. You either like me or you don't. If you're confused, let me make things easier on you. Yes means yes. No means no and "i'm not sure" means no. What are we doing with our lives at the end of two months? Are we going to continue and commit, or are we going to end things? There are no excuses for wasting someones time and "oh were just hanging out and enjoying each others company" is the worst excuse I've ever heard. If they can't commit, you need to say "I really like you, but I can tell you are confused. I think we should take some time apart so that you can evaluate what you want out of a relationship"
2) I learnt that dropping my plans to see someone is stupid.
We are dating, which means I get two whole months of planned dates that I know of in advance. This is new, so were getting to know each other. I don't want to drop my plans because you make me feel bad for not being able to hang out. I don't want to do anything with you if you will make me feel bad for not providing to your needs and emotions. That's a toxic relationship habit and I'm not about that life.
3) I learnt I should always pay my half on a first date.
I've had dates that wouldn't let me pay my half even when I insisted. Now I know its a gentleman's job to pay for the first date, but if the first date went bad, I don't want you to think it went well because you paid for it. Just because you buy me something, doesn't mean I like you, it means I like getting things for free. There's this really annoying notion that if a man pays for a date, the woman owes him something... she doesn't, let her pay her portion and get over it.
4) I learnt I don't have to text them back after a first date if it went bad and they don't either.
Hear me out: If we didn't really know each other before this first date and it went terribly, like you couldn't answer basic questions or I was bored, why would you want to go on another date? I don't really feel the need to text you back, I don't want to let someone off easily because we had one date. One date does not determine anything except that I would want to see you again. Sure some people would call it ghosting, I on the other hand do not want to waste my time dating for the sake of dating. If you do text me like "Hey, I thought our date went well", I will reply to you, but chances are, if I haven't told you I'd like to see you again, I don't. I would expect that a guy would treat me the same.
5) I learnt that if my date can only compliment me on my looks, I should get my takeout box and go.
Thank you for thinking I am beautiful, I think you're pretty cute too, but what about my brain?! My resume is filled with so many cool things, let's talk about that, we should talk about anything other than my beauty. I know I look good, I don't need a man to confirm whether or not I am pretty. We should have a conversation that stimulates our brains.
6) I learnt that "hanging out" is not a date and will never lead to a date, it just leads to disappointment.
I know we all know what hanging out means now, essentially dating, but with no future commitment and "we were never exclusive because were just hanging out". Back when I was 19-20, hanging out was a little less known at the time, it was still being discovered. So to avoid any confusion, if you want to go on a date, just say it. If they don't want to go on a date with you, you can do better. If I am going to put in the effort to go on a date, there better be the option of commitment at some point down the road.
7) I learnt I had to love myself before I could date anyone.
You can't find yourself when you're with someone. If you're not 100% in love with yourself before you date someone, it will effect the relationship. There's only one you so you deserve to love yourself before you can even think of loving someone else.
Thanks for reading,